The Future Is Not What Will Be But Instead What We Will It To Be.

Change is up to us

It took me a long time to understand that, but it really is true. Our future is what we make it. Imagine that for just a second. We decide that we want to be in better shape, we then turn those thoughts into actions, and those actions lead to the future that we decided would be. You can use this for anything in your life. I can use it for anything in my life.

I went to therapy for years. Sitting on a couch or in a chair across from someone with all the qualifications to tell me everything that is wrong with me and what I need to do to change it. But for years, I went through the motions, not really doing any of the work. Fighting against the change instead of pushing toward it. It wasn’t until I made the choice to actually do the work that things started to change.

Now I am not saying that it is our choice to have any issues we may have. But it is our choice what we decide to do with those issues.

Trauma is this dark shroud that hangs over everything we do and think. It tries to make all of our choices for us. But no matter what we do, the trauma still happened. We can make a choice to use it to make us better or allow it to destroy us in time.

I have wasted years of my life allowing trauma to control my thoughts and actions. Years of my life that I will never have the chance to get back. Times that could have been positive memories were turned into horrible experiences because of trauma. It held me hostage, not allowing me to breathe without its approval. Imagine that I needed permission to breathe. But that was a choice as well. What I eventually realized was action changes everything. When you start to make things happen, improvement begins.

Telling myself for years what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be, and how I wanted to heal was never going to happen without action. But it wasn’t a quick fix, and it definitely wasn’t just me alone. Sure, it was my actions that started to change things, but without the help of others, it would have never happened.

Therapy is a tool that, in many cases, is necessary for us as humans to get out of the darkness that trauma holds us in, and a therapist who makes that possible is not always easy to find. Not everyone sees healing the same way, and not everyone sees healing the way you do, either. It took me a while, but I found a therapist who made me feel comfortable enough to talk about the things I really needed to talk about. And more importantly, comfortable enough to want to do the work.

And my wife has always been there as my biggest cheerleader and someone who could see what, at times, I thought was impossible. She knew what I was capable of before I even knew that I wanted to reach those heights. At times, I need a push, and at times, I need someone's hand to help me up. She does both of those things at the exact time I need them.

But action on my part is what was needed, and without I would have stayed stuck and unable to work toward the man I wanted to be. Now I haven’t reached that man yet. But that is the key word yet. What power yet has. I will never be the man I want to be, or I am not the man I want to be yet. Big difference there.

Now to the most important part of all of this. Understanding that the future we want is possible. That our actions can make that future happen. Think for just a moment about all of the people in history who started with nothing and became more than anyone thought they would ever become. The stories are endless, just as the possibilities for our future are endless. I’ve been pretty low. Holding a handful of pills in my hand, believing that everyone would be better off if I was not alive. Thinking that the choice to leave this world would make things easier for those who love me. Obviously, there are flaws in this thinking, but when you are in that dark place, things don’t really have to make sense for you to believe them.

I remember the hospital transferring me to a mental hospital. I was sitting on a metal bench in the back of an ambulance that was not like most ambulances. There was a cage separating me from the driver in front. As if I were some monster that was going to attack this person. I remember wondering what they must have been thinking about me.

Surprisingly, the drive was long, and I had time to think about where I was and where I really wanted to be. Thoughts of a future in which I didn’t hate myself and the choices I had made. A future that would let me see happiness again. A place and time where laughter seemed more normal, and the anger I felt wasn’t felt daily.

That future that I started to see was the beginning of change. A change that wasn’t easy and is still ongoing. One that takes daily reflection and a realization that perfect is a myth. Change that allows me to see the positive in my past. I realized that the future is not something that will be, but instead it is what we will it to be.